Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A little funny for this 4th of September

An ion walks into a bar looking really depressed, the barman asks why he looks so sad and the ion says he has lost an electron, the barman asks is he sure and the ion replies I am positive!

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

A frog went to visit a fortune teller. "What do you see in my future?" asked the frog. 
"Very soon," replied the fortune teller. "you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you." 
"That's great!" said the frog, hopping up and down excitedly. "But when will I meet her?" 
"Next week in science class." said the fortune teller.

Red bumber sticker on a car: "If this sticker is blue, you're going too fast"

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes in a puff of logic.

And then something a little less sciencey, but hilarious all the same:
(From the series Firefly, the Jaynestown episode) 

(scene: Shepherd Book is babysitting River, the young but troubled girl prodigy, who is "editing" his Bible)

(Shepherd enters room, tray of dinner in hand)

Shepherd: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your bible.
Shepherd: I, uh...  WHAT?!!
River: Bible's broken... contradictions, false logistics, it doesn't make sense.
Shepherd (walking up to River): N-n-no, no, you can't...
River: (interrupting) So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there... (to herself): eleven... important number... prime number... one goes into the house of eleven 11 times but always comes out one... 

(River looks up from the bible and looks Shepherd straight in the eye)
River: Noah's Ark is a problem...
Shepherd: Really?
River: We'll have to call it "early quantum-state phenomenon"... (chuckling)... only way to fit 5,000 species of mammal on the same boat...

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